Top 10 First world problems

You know how it is. Life is tough these days. What with trying to keep on top of shifting tech trends (ever been stuck in quicksand?!), trying to advance a career ahead of a million other Millennials, and attempting to get some GODDAMN rest along the way, it’s never been harder to thrive and survive.

Here are the top 10 reasons for angst (or #first world problems as they’re more commonly known) :

1. My Wifi signal sucks! My life is officially over.

Wifi is a clearly a right, not a privilege. The entire world should be a free wifi zone, for that matter. How am I expected to function if this is not the case?

2. I can’t cope with all these remote controls.

I’ve got like 8 remotes and they just make my life waaaay too complicated. It’s about time my devices were activated by the power of my brainwaves.

3. Alexa won’t get it wrong when I want her to.

I can’t get her to do the porny thing on demand, even though a 6 year old could.

4. The goddamn Uber driver can’t read his GPS.

Why do I bother entering my location when the Uber driver keeps calling me to find out where I am? I wish they’d learn to read maps.

5. My maid is waaay too chatty.

I mean, if I wanted to know about her life, I’d ask her, right? And honestly, I expect her to be clairvoyant about what I want for breakfast, given the amount I’m paying her.

6. The Great Butter Dilemma

It’s too hard to spread on my toast when I put it in the fridge, and it’s too melty (and a bit pongy) when I leave it out.

7. No-one loves me on Insta like they should

I only got 55 Instagram likes when I posted my “superfood breakfast” today. I mean, those goji berries aren’t cheap.

8. McDonalds put waaaay too much ice in my coke.

Half the cup was ice. Apart from the obvious brain freeze, that’s just a total con.

9. Office timings are way unrealistic

Honestly, expecting me to get to the office by 10am is insane. That would mean I’d have to be up by 9, which clearly isn’t happening.

10. There’s nothing to watch on TV

I mean I have Netflix and all, but there’s just nothing great to watch.